"How could you do this to me?" and "He/she really isn't important to me!" are two of the most frequent comments of partners seeking counselling when one has had an affair. It might also be said when both have had an affair. Seldom are people willing to look at their own behaviour or their interpretation of their partner's behaviour as the cause of their distress.
Often the partner who did not have the affair begins to picture himself or herself as a victim of the other. Although the intense feelings that surround the news of the affair understandably are deeply distressing for most people, the sooner one can shift out of seeing oneself as a victim, the sooner one can contribute to the healing of the relationship.
