Crap Table # 2
You do have a choice. If you are willing to recognize that each of us has our unique perspective on the world, our own point of view, then you can choose Crap Table # 2.
You do not have to give up your own point of view. Rather, you enter a willingness to respect your partner's right to have her or his point of view. After all, you are having the discussion because you want to have your point of view accepted. The challenge is to become secure enough in your perspective that you no longer need to dissuade, pressure or attempt to force your perspective on another person.
This ability is crucial if you want to develop the possibility, the context, for creating intimacy in your relationship.
When couples discuss the "essential ingredients" of a relationship, a lot of time is spent at crap table # 1. Because the relationship is so important, each partner attempts to have their essentials become the target qualities of the relationship.
As the session in which the "Crap Game of Life" is explored comes to a close, I ask the couple if they are willing to experiment with a different way of "evaluating" the relationship. Using the "essentials" leads often to arguments over who is "right" or who is more sophisticated in the art of relationships.
Reassured that they can go back to using the "essentials" or their expectations as a way of evaluating their relationship, if they wish, most couples are willing to venture into my experiment. Usually, by this time in the counselling, they are curious to know what I mean. I hope you are too.
