A New Way

Lessons

Introduction

Lesson 1

Lesson 2

Lesson 3

Lesson 4

Intimacy Zone

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The new way of evaluating one's relationship that I begin to explore with a couple, after they express a desire for such exploration, begins with the self, yourself, not your partner. The approach is called "ready for love" to reflect that the focus is on what you, (the singular "you", not the plural "you and your partner"), can do to maximize your own preparedness for the opportunity to develop intimacy in a relationship.

This approach will invite you to study very deeply how you block intimacy and more importantly, what you can do to invite intimacy into your life. I remember explaining the trap of the "tyranny of 'we-ness'" to one couple as they struggled with the notion that their path to intimacy would be starting with a thorough investigation of their own behaviour. they wanted to get started on "us" right away.

The problem, simply put, is that our culture has placed far to much pressure on an intimate partnership to be everything for the two participants. All their needs are to be met in the relationship. Such a model is seriously flawed. Especially with the collapse for most people of an extended family, the couple becomes increasingly focused inward, placing more and more of their emotional, recreational and personal satisfaction needs on their primary relationship. The only way I can see a relationship could survive such pressure, is that it is a partnership between two strong individuals. Partnership is hard work. When the excitement of a new relationship gives way to the realities of partnering, two adults are required.

The new way of developing the potential for intimacy requires being adult: a willingness to look at your own behaviour as the starting point for entering into intimacy.

So if you are willing to notice that when you point out your partner's shortcomings, there are usually three fingers pointing back at you, then you are ready for Lesson One.