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Lessons
Introduction
Lesson
1
Lesson
2
Lesson
3
Lesson
4
Intimacy
Zone
Recovery
Discussion
Resources
for Recovery
Resources
for Love & Intimacy
Marriage
Enrichment
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The following guidelines may help you with the two previous assignments.
| 1. |
Choose a topic, either from the assignments of lesson 4 or
one of your own. Partners can either mutually agree, or take turns choosing. The issue
should have priority in your lives right now, however if it is too emotionally charged,
you might choose to defer dialogue until a later time. |
| 2. |
Write a letter to your partner for a minimum of 10 minutes
on this topic. Go to a different room and write privately. |
| 3. |
Concentrate on communicating your feelings, openly and
honestly. The purpose is not to vent your feelings but share them so your partner can
understand and feel them too. Describe your feelings as best you can relating them to
physical sensations, past experiences, your senses, nature etc. anything that
enhances understanding. |
| 4. |
Try to be aware of your partner as you write. Focus on your
feelings for your partner and make your letters as personal and as loving as you can.
Choose a time of day that is the optimum for both of you, not when you are tired, cranky
etc. |
| 5. |
After 10 minutes exchange your letters lovingly and without
comment. We are giving and receiving the greatest gift from another person— their
attention. |
| 6. |
Silently read your partner's letter twice. Your purpose in
reading the letter is to fully understand the feelings of the other, not to censure or
react— just to receive and understand. |
| 7. |
Come together in the same room. Sit facing one another. Eye
contact is very important. Be aware. Be sensitive. Dialogue for a minimum of 10
minutes. This is not a discussion. This is an opportunity to explore each other’s
feelings to enhance understanding and to foster acceptance. The prime goal of
communication is to promote understanding not to look for solutions. |
| 8. |
Use questions like "Tell me more about your
feeling", "Have you ever felt this way before?", "How do you see me
when you feel this way?" etc. |
| 9. |
Avoid name-calling |
| 10. |
Avoid criticism/sarcasm |
| 11. |
Avoid faultfinding |
| 12. |
Don't walk away. |
| 13. |
Avoid judgments. |
| 14. |
Finish a disagreement. |
| 15. |
Being right is not as important as being in relationship |
| 16. |
Refrain from fighting if all you want is to retaliate, hurt
the other, or you are out of control |
Closeness is the
goal in dialogue. To come to know and appreciate the other, their feelings, their
perspective and through that to enhance your relationship with one another. It helps to
keep your focus on one another despite the pressures of the world around you.
Dialogue is based on discovering and sharing thoughts and feelings.
Feelings are our emotional responses to our thoughts and situations, often our first known
reactions. Feelings and thoughts are neither right nor wrong. They just are. There is no
useful purpose in making moral judgments on thoughts or feelings. Judgment is only
appropriate in terms of the actions we take as a result of those thoughts and feelings. We
are free to choose our actions. We are responsible for our actions. Thoughts and feelings
on the other hand are part of us, we cannot stop them from happening. We cannot argue with
feelings, either ours nor our partner's. Feelings and thoughts are to be shared, to be
understood, to be accepted. The more open we are to our feelings and thoughts, and to
those of our partner, the greater the potential for intimacy that results from the sharing
of them with our partner.
IF I GIVE YOU EVERYTHING I HAVE, EVERYTHING I POSSESS, I HAVE
GIVEN YOU NOTHING, FOR THESE GIFTS CAN ALL BE LOST AND FORGOTTEN.
IF I G1VE YOU MYSELF- MY HOPES AND DREAMS, MY THOUGHTS AND
FEELINGS, MY BODY AND SPIRIT- THEN I HAVE GIVEN YOU THE GREATEST GIFT I CAN GIVE. THESE
GIFTS CAN BECOME A PART OF YOU AND LAST FOREVER.
Now go on to assignment III
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